THIS AGREEMENT (the “Agreement”) is entered into effective as of Sunday, May 25th, 2014 by and between Nathaniel MacHardy, a man (“Party of the First Part”) and Lillian O’Connell, a woman (“Party of the Second Part”). The use of gender terminology and the order of the parties are in no way to be interpreted as relating to hierarchy or preference. It’s just legal mumbo jumbo. Additionally, this resulting union will elevate Robert and Theresa O’Connell to the roles of “Father-in-Law” (Party of the Third Part) and “Mother-in-Law” (Party-of-the Fourth Part) respectively.
WHEREAS, Party#1 desires to enter into marriage with Party#2; and
WHEREAS, Party#2 is OK with that;
WHEREAS, Party#3 is OK with that;
WHEREAS, Party#4 is over the moon and blubbering like a fountain;
NOW, THEREFORE, in consideration of the mutual covenants set forth herein and other good and valuable consideration, the parties agree as follows:
1. Party#1, heretofore to be known as “The future Son-in-Law” until such time as the act of Marriage ends this contract resulting in the removal of the designation “future”, subject to the terms and conditions of this Agreement, will be responsible for the following:
A. Providing a level and love and support for our baby girl at a level no less than that of her family.
B. Availability for unlimited technical support.
C. Attend an equitable number of holiday events sufficient to minimize the frequency Party#4 from saying to Party#3 any phrases including or similar to “but, Jackie gets to see them all the time!”
D. A commitment never to vote Republican.
E. Make with the grandchildren, already!
F. To mock Lillian every time she misspeaks during all times that Party#3 or her siblings are unavailable.
G. Stand up for yourself. We’ll let you know when you’re wrong.
H. Be the son we never had…oh, wait…never mind.
I. At any time where Party#2 is railing about something of which you have had your fill, mimic her in a voice like Beaker from the Muppet Show. That should shut her up.
J. Accept your new family as we accept Party#1, Matt, I mean Nark, wait…Nat, yeah, Nat.
K. Laugh as often as possible and share joy at every opportunity. Life is too short for anything else.
IN WITNESS WHEREOF, the parties have executed this Agreement effective as of the date first above written.
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