There is a young man nervously sitting in a locker room with a Notre Dame banner on the wall. There is muffled cheering and the Notre Dame Fight Song playing in the background.
Tommy is huffing and puffing, trying to get ready for the big game.
Tommy: (To himself) C’mon Tommy…you can do this. (Huffing) You’ve been working toward this moment you’re whole life. (He gets up and paces in front of the locker. He stops suddenly, reacting to a voice from above.)
Ghost: (As a voice in a heavy brogue) Sure and begorrah, me laddie. Ye be waitin’ a long time for this.
Tommy: (Tommy looks around, a bit frightened) Who’s there?
Ghost: Take it easy, me boy.
Tommy: Who is that?
Ghost: It’s only me, Laddie…The ghost of Knute Rockne. I’m here to help ya get ready for the big game.
Tommy: (Shaking his head) What? Holy shit. I’m hearing voices.
Ghost: Relax, kiddo, yer not hallucinating. It’s really me, the old Rock. I’ve been visiting you boys on opening day fer many, many years.
Tommy: I don’t believe this!
Ghost: Oh, you can believe it all right, me boy. I just want to drop a bit o’ the old Irish wisdom on ye before ye take the field today.
Tommy: Wait a second. If you’re Knute Rockne, what’s with the Irish brogue? I thought Rockne was from Sweden or something.
Ghost: (Dropping accent) All right, you got me kid. The accent is actually for effect. I am the ghost of the Rock, but these kids today usually don’t know nothin’ about Notre Dame history. I was actually born in Norway, but moved to Chicago when I was five, so I actually sound more like Pat O’Brien, the guy who played me in the movie.
Tommy: Now, you’re really freaking me out. How many shots did I actually do last night?
Ghost: Oh, it’s not the hooch talkin’, Kid. I’m actually here to help you out.
Tommy: Help me do what…have a God damned nervous breakdown?
Ghost: Let me try an easy one to calm your nerves, Kid. I want you to go out there today and win one for the Gipper!
Tommy: Dude! The Gipper has been dead for ninety-five years!
Ghost: I gotta tell you Kid, I’m impressed with your knowledge of Irish History, but try to be fair…I myself have been dead for eighty-four years. Besides, that Gipper kid had potential. Had he lived, I would have figured him to be President someday.
Tommy: What? Don’t you get CNN up there…or wherever you are? I’m not sure you’re in the right place, Dude.
Ghost: Wait, Kid. Give me another chance. This one never fails…We’re going inside of ‘em, we’re going outside of ‘em — inside of ‘em! outside of ‘em! — and when we get them on the run once, we’re going to keep ‘em on the run. And we’re not going to pass unless their secondary comes up too close. But don’t forget, men — we’re gonna get ‘em on the run, we’re gonna go, go, go, go! — and we aren’t going to stop until we go over that goal line! And don’t forget, men — today is the day we’re gonna win. They can’t lick us — and that’s how it goes… The first platoon men — go in there and fight, fight, fight, fight, fight! What do you say, men…er, Tommy.
Tommy: I think my head is gonna explode! I’m never taking greenies before a game again. Rockne, ghost, whoever you are, get out of my brain. I’ve got to get out there and be ready to perform in just a couple of minutes.
Ghost: Maybe I had you all wrong, Kid. Maybe you don’t have what it takes. Why you’re even smaller than that Rudy kid. How the hell did you make the team, anyway?
Tommy: Team, what team? I’m not on the team. (Putting on his hat) I’m the mascot, you idiot! I’m supposed to be small. I’m playing a fucking leprechaun! I gotta lead the team onto the field.
Ghost: You don’t say. Did they move the locker room or something?
Tommy: (Reacts to theme song playing and crowd noise rising) Shit, my cue! I’m gonna be late! (Runs off the stage)
Ghost: (Fading out) Don’t forget, men — we’re gonna get ‘em on the run, we’re gonna go, go, go, go!
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